She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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