i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
