Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
