Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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