I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
