Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
