I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
