yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize