Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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