if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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