Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
