you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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