I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
