Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize