The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
