i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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