girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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