it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
