Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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