My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
