I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Terrible idea I love it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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