Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
