tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
