Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
