so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
