Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
