Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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