So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
