I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
