The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my sisters under your porch take her home
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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