did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
