new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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