forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
