i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
