I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
