So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
