Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
