My sheets look like a crime scene.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
