whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
