wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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