feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
