I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
