The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
