i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
