Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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