Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
