that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
