i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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