so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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