You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize