I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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