i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I FOUND THE LEGS
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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