No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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