if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
