For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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