You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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