it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
