my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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