I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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