so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize