Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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