You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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