The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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