I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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