If that was your dad, he is hot
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
