this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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