It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
