I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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