So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
