Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize