you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
