I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have fence marks all over my body
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