That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I will pee on everything he values.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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