I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
