Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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