perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
