Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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