miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
