Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
