Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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