if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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