If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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