guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
