You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How does it feel to date your dad?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
