I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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