We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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