I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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