feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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