I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
