Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize