Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
