# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
