Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
