I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
