she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
