Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
