peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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