why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
