I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
