I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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