My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she told me i tasted like america
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
